At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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