turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
