My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Shame - the story of my life.
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