you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
