a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
