i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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