I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
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