I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
