i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
