ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
