just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
