Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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