Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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