I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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