did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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