I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
