he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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