i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
