she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I pour the whiskey from now on
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
