i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
