it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
