well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
