i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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