We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
