he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
