I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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