definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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