btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
