Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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