My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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