how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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