oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
