I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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