Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
