i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
