Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
