Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
