She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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