Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
