I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
