Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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