When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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