Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
