This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
