You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
