they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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