i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
