Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
