So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
