I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Come on in and take your pants off
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
