You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
