I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Operation Purity has been aborted
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
