and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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