Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
