My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
